Strength in Solitude
A little over a year ago, I started my first blog. I used it as a creative outlet, as well as a mode to inspire others who may stumble across my words. Somehow, life managed to interrupt, as it often does. I started writing less, therefore blogging less, and eventually, not at all. Much like those little moments that accumulate over time, my life reached a bit of a breaking point this summer. I fell apart, and to be completely honest with myself, I am still working through it all.
Why I chose to rekindle my blogging endeavor is directly related to this summer's circumstances. It does not matter what happens to me, or you, or anyone, but typically, when something negative affects us, we are faced with a decision; either we confront the issue, or we run. Somehow, I found myself in-between. There are times when I choose to embrace it with as much positivity as I can, but there are also darker moments--the ones in which I choose to envelop myself in fear, and seek comfort in places it cannot be found. Upon further reflection of the last several months, I am disappointed in myself and how I handled certain situations. I am deeply apologetic to friends who have witnessed this side of me, which I am so unfamiliar with. So much so that it often brings tears to my eyes. This was the first time in my life when I looked in the mirror and did not recognize the woman staring back. The woman, who has always been so accepting of her need for solitude, has found herself doing all she can to avoid it. I believe many of my choices and actions stemmed from my fears and negligence of self, which is in no way an excuse for my behavior, but it is a start for change.
I am striving to find myself again, which has proved to be a difficult task. Despite the challenges I have encountered this year, I have learned an incredible amount by being so far disconnected from myself. It is an uncomfortable feeling, yes, but is life not about finding some solace during these times?
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